DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine
useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands
so that it
smacks you in the chest and flings your
beer across the room, denting the
which you had
carefully set in the corner where
nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and
then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the
speed of light.It
will also remove fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in
about the time it
takes you to say, "Oh
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for
spinning pop rivets in their holes until
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
Sometimes used in the creation of
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool
commonly used to convert minor touch-up
jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting
tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy
crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers
to completely round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can
be used to transfer intense welding heat
to the palm of your hand.
BUTANE TORCH: Used almost entirely for
lighting various flammable objects in
your shop on fire.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool
commonly used to launch wood projectiles
for testing wall integrity.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw
primarily used by most shops to cut good
balsa and ply wood sheets into smaller
more easily fit into the trash can after
you cut on the inside of the line
instead of the outside edge.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to
stab the vacuum seals under lids or for
opening old-style paper-and-tin
and splashing oil on your shirt; but can
also be used, as the name implies, to
strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening
paint cans. Sometimes used to convert
common slotted screws into
screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple anything
surrounding that thing you needed to
remove in order to replace a 50 cent
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon
of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
kind of divining rod to locate
expensive parts adjacent the object we
are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice
through the contents of kit boxes
delivered to your front door.